Your two biggest weapons as a parent

How to feel great about yourself and NOT traumatize your kids

As parents, we’ve all been there: crying, stubborn, non-cooperating kids throwing tantrums, not listening to you, and reluctant to move when you need them to. Many of us have failed in these situations.

When you can’t properly handle these high-octane situations, you get all emotional and blow up. Your reaction seems to be proportional to your child’s actions. However, you can’t fight fire with fire in any relationship, even more so with your kids. It’s just counterproductive. In the end, you will be left with regret. I’ve been there MANY times.

The smart thing to do is to act in the opposite direction: to quench the fire. Throw a coat on it, prevent the oxygen from feeding it.

Your two weapons: calmness and creativity

You can achieve this with your two biggest weapons as a parent: calmness and creativity. These two traits will not only help you be a bigger man or woman in conflicts but have a huge impact on your kids’ perception of you.

Why? Well, the main reason is that they both require character and effort. Grace under pressure, ladies and gentlemen. Remember this principle, and your kids will look up to you, respect you, and be friends with you.

Calmness

Calmness prevents you from making emotional decisions, which are always likely to be suboptimal. In emotional situations, you are better off doing nothing as opposed to, say, acting fast.

Remember, your children are small and fragile. Even if you are dealing with a teenager, who might have physically surpassed you, you are still wiser and more mature. At least, you won’t hurt anyone because the impacts of emotional violence are clear:

• Higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide
• Higher chance of smoking, alcohol and drug misuse, and high-risk sexual behavior
• Negatively affects cognitive development and increases the likelihood of underachievement
• Lots of other shit you don’t want your children to go through

And where there is emotional violence (screaming, calling names), physical violence is next.

So, by all means, keep calm and charge your second weapon: creativity.

Creativity

Creativity is your superpower when comes to being around children. Creativity lets you find solutions. Creativity separates the boring, predictable, and dumb from fun, resourceful, and intelligent. Creativity will let you resolve many situations with grace and respect. It’s one of the most important traits to have as a parent, and your kids will love you for it.

The good thing is if you stay calm, deploying creativity will be easier.

What are some examples of being creative with children?

For kids under 3:

• Directing their attention somewhere else by various means (like pointing your finger to the sky and saying “Look, birds!”)
• Make them laugh by doing something silly

For kids 3 to 7:

• Immersing yourself in their emotions and telling them a story
• Coming up with a game that will be fun for them (or some game they like)
• Telling them an interesting fact related to what’s happening
• Motivate and engage them by gamification in any situation
• Smile—a smile goes a long way and can easily (and unexpectedly) “reset” your kid

Training, training, training

Like any other weapon, calmness and creativity require training. Yes, you need to keep that in mind, and it might be especially hard in high-octane situations. But once you consistently learn to use your weapons, not only will you prevent emotions from getting the better of you, but you will learn to come with creative solutions faster.

So, how do you train these?

1. Commit to a change. Tell yourself you want to have fewer situations where things get out of control. Think about the times where you couldn’t keep calm and have it made you feel. Then think about the times when you kept your cool. This should be your reminder and source of motivation.
2. Preparation, preparation, preparation. If you know you’re going to a place where your kids might blow up or be bored, prepare all the tricks that might work for them and ideally use them BEFORE something happens. For example, giving them paper and crayons in a restaurant, bringing soap bubbles on a walk with you, or having candy ready. :)
3. Think about it. Consider what might work for your kids, in particular.

The number one factor for staying calm and creative

Being your best self around kids is hard enough, but one thing increases your chances of staying calm and creative the most: your personal happiness.

If you are not of those rare parents whose offspring are their main meaning in life and source of happiness, then you need to make sure you are doing whatever it takes to maintain yours. That means getting enough sleep, being fulfilled at work, having free time for hobbies, spending alone time with yourself and your spouse, and other things that you need to be happy.

Otherwise, you get miserable and irritable, and you can surely forget about calmness and creativity.

Win-win

In the end, being calm and creative is a win-win for both you and your kids. Because of the skill with which you handle complicated situations, you will feel great about yourself and your kids won’t be traumatized and feel bad about themselves.

Remember: grace under pressure.